Friendships are rooted in a sense of mutual liking, equality, respect and reciprocity, but unlike romantic relationships there's often little clarity when they end.
Laura Eramian, a professor in the Department of Sociology and Social Anthropology, and Peter Mallory, a professor from St. Francis Xavier University, are currently conducting a joint research project to try and understand the effects on people鈥檚 lives when friendships fall apart and why there's often little clarity when they do so.
Dr. Eramian explains that most of the social science literature on friendships tends to characterize friendship in 鈥渙verwhelmingly positive terms,鈥� focusing on its 鈥渧irtuous qualities,鈥� like 鈥渋ts voluntariness [and] it鈥檚 supposed to be based in equality, reciprocity, mutual liking, respect... but what鈥檚 interesting to us is how it鈥檚 actually those very same qualities that can cause trouble with people鈥檚 friendships.鈥�
Friendships differ significantly from romantic relationships in a variety of ways. Aside from the obvious reasons, friendships often lack a predictable path of change and friends typically communicate less, if at all, about the state of the relationship, explains Dr. Eramian.
The hierarchy of intimacy
She explains that 鈥渢he hierarchy of intimacy鈥� in our culture places friendships lower than romantic relationships. In romantic relationships, there are lots of cultural sets of expectations about communication, and partners are expected to have 鈥渕aintenance talks鈥� where they discuss the state of their relationship. As a result, romantic partners often understand why a relationship ends when it does.
Dr. Eramian鈥檚 findings indicate that 鈥渢here is really no sort of clear cultural expectations around what friends owe to each other, especially when someone wants to end a friendship. There aren鈥檛 any cultural scripts or rituals around ending a friendship in the way that there might be cultural scripts or rituals around ending a romantic relationship.鈥�
There are lots of contradictions in the ways that our culture handles friendships, she says. We believe we should be able to say anything to a good friend, but, 鈥渢he one thing that you鈥檙e not supposed to talk about is the state of the friendship 鈥� it鈥檚 supposed to be one of the easier, less serious relationships that provide you a refuge from the difficulties of other relationships.鈥�
Essentially, people don鈥檛 feel as justified asking their friends to account for themselves, like they would with a long-term romantic partner.
The importance of friendships
Dr. Eramian first started thinking about friendships and their role in our culture from her long-term research on personhood in post-genocide Rwanda. She explains that 鈥渙ur very categories of kinship versus friendships don鈥檛 actually map that well cross-culturally.鈥�
In our current society, the place of friendship is evolving. Dr. Eramian explains that a lot of modern social scientists are challenging the 鈥渉ierarchy of intimacy鈥� that places friendships below romantic relationships, as people are looking to friendships to 鈥渟hape their personal communities and decentre marriage and traditional family life.鈥�
Dr. Eramian explains that this changing role of friendship in our culture informs and inspires her work with Dr. Mallory, as their findings show that friendship is extremely important in people's lives.
"We cannot fully understand friendship if we don鈥檛 pay attention to its difficulties as well and especially how difficulties are shaped by the larger social and cultural world in which we live out our friendships ... that context for us is important to understand friendship in a broad sense and not just as a positive force of affirmation in people's lives.鈥�