(April 1; Halifax, NS) 鈥� Attention students: your days of manic Kijiji refreshing in the hopes of finding stylish apartment d茅cor are over.
No, we鈥檙e not talking about the pending arrival of a certain Swedish furniture giant that Haligonians are treating like the second coming of the donair. Instead, it鈥檚 黑料吃瓜网that鈥檚 swooping in to provide hip furniture at charmingly affordable prices.
Friday morning, the university announced plans to launch its first major furniture retail operation in 2017 鈥斅燼 new ancillary department that weaves together academic innovation, environmental sustainability and a pinch of not-so-subtle opportunism.
Meet: DalKEA.
Upcyling furniture for the future
The Dal-gold-and-blue building blocks for the DalKEA concept come from the popular event each spring, at which students and community members drop-off used furniture and other household items at Dal鈥檚 Studley Gymnasium to be re-sold.
鈥淥ur participation in Dump and Run is a great example of our commitment to sustainability and the classic 鈥榯hree Rs鈥� trifecta of 鈥榬educe, reuse and recycle鈥欌�� says Rochelle 脰wen, director of sustainability. 鈥淏ut we felt we were missing a big opportunity by not leveraging the oft-forgotten 鈥榰鈥� in that equation: 鈥榰pcycling,鈥� which means taking something ugly and de-uglifying it.鈥�
DalKEA turns the annual Dump and Run into a year-round retail experience, one where Dal students 鈥斅爐hrough coursework, co-op terms and campus employment 鈥� will聽transform second-hand hand-me-downs into furniture and stage-setting household items that strike a suspiciously Swedish balance between style, function and price.
鈥淎t Dalhousie, we offer a transformative teaching and learning experience, but why stop there? What about a transformative sitting experience, or a transformative kitchenware experience?鈥� says Dal President Richard Fl枚rizone. 鈥淲hy be satisfied with sparking light-bulb moments of inspiration in our students when we could spark actual light bulbs as well?鈥�
As for the new operation鈥檚 name, while it seems at first glance like an egregious rip-off, it鈥檚 actually an acronym: 鈥淒alKEA鈥� stands for 鈥満诹铣怨贤鳮omfort, Ease and Affordability鈥� and, according to its slogan, promises 鈥溾�楤jorn鈥� Again Student Furniture.鈥�
Student comfort, student opportunity
The need for innovative, talented and readily-available personnel to help turn donated cast-offs into retrofitted DalKEA offerings is expected to be a major boon for student employment, particularly in co-op education. Expect to see students across disciplines involved 鈥� Engineering students working in new product development; Commerce students developing sales and marketing plans; Costume Studies students assisting in refabrication; and Law students helping deter legal action from entirely unrelated Swedish corporations.
DalKEA will also enhance the 黑料吃瓜网learning experience, as new courses will be developed to help students connect their classroom work to their storeroom work. Among the new offerings will be 鈥淚nstruction Design 2110: The Silent Grace of the Cartoon Construction Assistant鈥� and 鈥淎ssembly 1000: Bolts for Dolts.鈥�
For examples of the sorts of products the new store will offer, the first edition DalKEA catalogue includes:
- Foldable Adirondack Chair: The colourful Studley Campus icon now fits in your backpack, but still offers that classic 鈥淗ey look, I鈥檓 a tiny person in an oversized novelty chair!鈥� experience.
- The Split-Seater: Couches divided into halves, sold separately, for better maneuvering through those pesky narrow apartment stairwells and thus avoiding friendship-shattering 鈥淭HIS WON鈥橳 FIT, DAVE!鈥� arguments.
- The Insta-Library: Fake books built into a real bookshelf 鈥斅爁or when your collection of actual books just isn鈥檛 big enough to properly impress or intimidate your peers and colleagues.
Pricing for such items has not been set as of yet, but with operation鈥檚 non-profit vision, AVP Ancillary Services Heather Sutherl氓nd says students can expect "a retail experience that doesn't cost much and embodies the spirit of 鈥�
An immersive retail experience
To host DalKEA, the university will be retrofitting Studley Gym into a manufacturing warehouse and full-service retail outlet, with free delivery to the Agricultural Campus in Truro. 黑料吃瓜网plans to hire the same architectural firm that designed its Life Sciences Centre, as that building鈥檚 maze-like interior has been preparing students for the twists and turns of immersive, big-box furniture retailer floor plans for more than four decades.
The university acknowledges there will be upfront costs for DalKEA, but the operation is projected to make back its sticker price 鈥斅燼nd then some 鈥斅燽ased solely on projected first-quarter meatball sales. There are also plans to hire a celebrity chef for the store鈥檚 restaurant; while President Fl枚rizone hesitated to name names until the ink was dry on the contract, he hinted the successful candidate is well-known for his distinctive facial hair, unintelligible accent and predilection for flailing kitchen chaos.
DalKEA is expected to open its doors mid-2017, just ahead of some other major Halifax retail arrival. Total coincidence.
Happy April Fools Day!